THERE'S NO TURNING BACK

"There is no turning back now. That's right, you have extinguished that last cigarette and you can't go back to it. It's over and out. You cannot return. That door is closed for good. Locked and the key is MIA. Period!"

I am on my third week and I find myself saying the above to myself a lot. I must say though, I am beginning to feel a growing sense of pride and increased self-esteem. It's a great feeling, a terrific sense of power to realize that you no longer have to search out a smoking section or a hiding place to carry on a bad habit. It's a nice feeling to know that you don't have to light up after a meal or when enjoying a cup of coffee--I have the power to say NO! Amazing what a few days of "doing without" can do.

It has been a pretty rough journey so far. Besides all the withdrawal symptoms of over the top irritability and dizziness, I have experienced waves of irrationality. That's when, as the cigarette urge strikes you particularly hard, you convince yourself smoking isn't all that harmful. Those types of thoughts can distort and dissolve your willpower for sure. That's when God reminded me that my Daddy died of Lung Cancer and how I held his hand, when he struggled to take his last breath.

It's as if there are really two of me, at war within. One side does the rationalizing. The other half still believes, although ever more faintly, that this is the time to quit and for the most compelling reason: TO LIVE. Who wins? The non-smoking child of God... that would be me.