QUIT

He keeps hounding me to quit. Why now? Seriously, can I not have one bad habit from my past. I truly love it. I love to smell them when I first open the pack. That menthol/fresh tobacco aroma is intoxicating. I like holding it in my hand. The whole ritual appeals to me. Inhaling from exhaling, drag, repeat. Yet its supposed to be killing me. Not fair. I have come through some heavy stuff. Major trials. Yet, this "quitting smoking" thing scares me to death. It will be the hardest thing I have ever done. That last statement is pitiful. How embarrassing that the hardest thing I have done or will ever do, in my mind, is quit smoking. Pretty lame. God I know in my heart why you want me to quit. You have been chastising me about it for a while. Maybe this is what you wanted for me from the beginning. 100% delivered from all my demons. Sorry I have been ignoring you on this particular matter. Why do I want to hold on to something from my past that I really hate anyway? Yeah, I said "hate". Truth be told, I hate being addicted to cigarettes. Who wants to be held hostage to something that is killing you? But, I did give up a lot of bad stuff. Remember the prescription drugs! Why do you have to have it all? I am sorry again that my mood is all over the place. I truly do believe you are doing this to me because you love me. I am getting agitated because I know, this time, I am going to succeed...